“When a wise man has a controversy with a foolish man, the foolish man either rages or laughs, and there is no rest.” —Proverbs 29:9

I was going to title this column, “How Not to Be a Smarmy, Bellicose, Horse-Toothed Dork Like Biden.” However, upon deeper contemplation I thought I’d direct it toward parents as an attempt to save the next generation from the insufferable effects of the boorish Biden bug.

To call Biden an ass-clown after last Thursday’s debate with Rep. Paul Ryan is to insult bottoms, donkeys and Bozos far and wide. I’m surprised Joe didn’t fart loudly and then say, “What can you and Romney do about that?!”

Aside from Biden’s steady stream of steamy scat (which was debunked nanoseconds after it tumbled off his forked tongue) his disrespectful antics on deadly serious subjects during the debate made him eclipse Al Gore as the all-time winner of the Ignoble Douche Prize. I bet if Joe could’ve licked himself like a dog he would have done it last Thursday night. Twice.